Hik-A-Muck
by Ranma1517730129
Summary: Omake Theatre alert! We're Baaack! Hiko is in some unlikely situations...But who's behind it all?


Hey there! We didn't create Rurouni Kenshin. We didn't create Duck Amuck, or the Warner Brothers Cartoons...Heck...So far...We haven't created anything that seems to make money...Oh well. Maybe we can go back in time and give fire a toss, on second thought Calger was never a Girl Scout and I can't make fire without a lighter...  
  
  
  
Presenting  
Hik-A-Muck  
An Omake Theatre  
By: Ranma1517730129 and Calger459  
  
The sun rose over a lonely hut, over and equally desolate mountain. Streams gurgled, fish jumped, and small furry creatures went about their early morning tasks. It painted a beautiful picture...Until...  
  
"Gyuaahhh!" The hangover was intense. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had one, but this had to be the end all, be all of headaches. Today felt like it was going to be an unusual day. Usually he only had hangovers and headaches when his Baka Deshi was around. His hands came away from his face and he realized he was no longer on his mountain and the usual weight of his mantle was gone. Unexpectedly he was standing in a field. He was dressed like...A farmer? Dear God the indignity! Worse... "My sword! Where's my sword?" he shouted to the heavens, and much to his surprise the heavens answered. A giant brush dropped out of the sky and painted into his hands...A HOE?  
"What the hell was that? Wait! What the hell is this? What am I supposed to do with a hoe?" There had been many times when he'd looked more dignified. His hair flying in the self made wind, his mantle swirling about him, sweat glistening on the layers of well-formed muscles. But now here he was, in a field, dressed like a farmer. Right down to one of those floppy hats. What in the world was Kami-sama thinking? "My GOD do I have a hangover..." he began to mumble and walk through the background, which was unsettlingly remaking itself over and over. "I know I passed that barn twice already!" Things were getting stranger and stranger and he had no idea what to make of it. "Look whoever you are up there! I don't know what's going on...BUT I DON'T BELONG HERE!!!"   
  
Again the heavens answered, but this time in a more frightening manner...Now there was nothing at all. "AHHHHHH! I've gone blind! #(@*#!" Then he looked down and noticed that his clothes had returned. His beloved mantle was back on his shoulders (Yea!). His sword hung at his side in its customary spot. Hiko felt his confidence returning, so he decided to address the heavens again, but in the place of his voice an angry chimpanzee squealed. His hands flew over his mouth and his eyes bugged. Deciding that it couldn't get any worse he peeled his hands off of his mouth and tried again. A rooster crowed. He tried again...nothing...his fury was unparalleled. He hopped up and down shrieking at the top of his lungs and nothing came out...until... "AND I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED IN ALL OF MY LIFE!" His voice was back! He breathed a sigh of relief. He decided to address the heavens in a calm soothing tone. "Ok, so now I have my clothes back, and my voice...how about some scenery?" Ask and ye shall receive.   
  
He found himself suddenly in a small enclosed space. Buttons and dials and levers and any manner of strangeness stared back at him. He was dressed in leather and wore a strange hat and glasses over his face...His sword was gone again. "Dear lord what is this? Where am I? Oh My God Where's The Ground???" He felt the giant metal bird lurch in a downward manner. He knew that he would die. He began to smack the things in front of him. To pull and push anything he could get his hands on...and what was that? Mt. FUJI?!? "CHE!" He suddenly felt strange. He looked down and all that was left was the annoying stick that was between his legs, the glass above his head and the strange spinny thing in the front. Not to mention that he was suddenly very round...and cute...  
His hands were small...His head was huge...A giant sweat drop appeared above his head. This was one hell of a hangover. He shook his head and suddenly he was himself again and in the blank space. He smiled. At least he wasn't going to die now...blank space was better than dying over Mt. Fuji, besides how would he explain to his shishou in the afterlife that he'd been killed not in battle, not in teaching the ougi to his Baka Deshi, but by a giant metal bird? He would never buy it. Besides, Kenshin lived in Tokyo, and his poor Baka Deshi had enough trouble without having to scrape his Shishou off the side of Mt. Fuji. With that thought in mind he was standing in a gaijin sailor outfit.   
  
"It happened again." He thought out loud. "What is this? A sea expedition?" Then the nothingness gave way to an open sea...And no boat. SPLAAASH! Hiko swam for his life...No longer concerned with the fact that he was dressed oddly and still sword-less. For some reason however when he reached land he still saw the island from far away. "What in the name of...?!?" For a moment he thought of laying off the sake in the future, but realized that the cure was worse than the disease and gave it up for lost. Besides, this was more entertaining than throwing pots on a mountaintop. He addressed the heavens again. "Why can't I see though my eyes...How about getting closer up? A close up! A close up!" Suddenly there was a black box around his small form. "This is a close up? A close up! A close up!" He was starring at one of his own huge hung over bloodshot eyes. "Look I am the most beautiful bishonen man in Japan. It is unfitting to see only my own bloodshot eyes!" There was a noise...almost like a groan and then the sea, the island; everything but Hiko disappeared again.   
  
"How about some suitable clothes?" He was gesturing down toward the sailor suit with obvious distaste. To his horror a giant eraser descended from the white space above his head and began to erase. Everything! "AAHHHHHH!!!" Two angry Hiko eyes glared out from the white space and blinked furiously. "Okay Rembrandt where's the rest of me?" The eyes were smoldering and looking just as threatening as if the rest of him was attached. Hiko envisioned a hurricane of leaves and trees uprooting themselves, but there was nothing with him in the white space so he left it to his imagination. "Heaven's knows it isn't as if I haven't tried...I don't know why I've been thrust into hell...I mean..." The muttering continued as the eyes of Hiko floated downscreen. A paintbrush followed him but he paid it no mind. It was no longer surprising to the thirteenth master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu that things should simply drop out of the sky at him. "It isn't as if I haven't been sporting through all of this..." It had painted something...whatever it was he wouldn't look down...No, he'd learned his lesson. He refused.   
  
So...The heavens one-upped him...A mirror. His mind reeled, his senses screamed, his mouth formed something. A smile. "Oh...Very nice, very funny, ha ha it is to laugh," His body had been replaced by some horrible doodle: his head looked like a flower, his body was walking on all fours, and were those polka dots? A flag? A mysterious thing in and of itself, on the flag was a screw...and a ball...a screw....and... "Hey! Give me my body back or I swear by all that I hold holy..." The strange body found itself upright and he was going for a sword that wasn't there...But it didn't matter anymore. Oh no. It didn't matter. He would kill this thing putting him through hell. Demon, God, Devil, Oni, it made no difference to Hiko Sejirou. He looked down and his body was his again. "When I find you...I will kill you. If I see so much as a smudge of your puny existence I will squash it...If I..." The pencil drew a door in front of Hiko. An eraser closed the door.   
  
A smiling Rurouni looked down at the paper laid out before him. A fuming master was left behind a drawn-in door. Life was sweet. Kenshin chuckled and grinned mischievously. It could be so much fun annoying his surrogate parent.   
  
"Kenshin come to lunch."  
  
"Hai, Hai Kaoru-Dono!" He took the paper and shoved it delicately under his futon. Maybe one day...He would do it again...  
  
  
OWARI!  
  
  
  
Hey there everyone! We're BA-A-ACK! Seriously, this fic was done in the spirit of one of the best (IMO) Looney Toon Cartoons. Duck Amuck. Calger459 was a real trooper through this one...She didn't really remember the cartoon. She would have flashbacks every once in a while and go... "Oh yeah! I remember that part!" Besides that she was my Keep Hiko In-character coach. We didn't want to take this too far into left field. Poor Hiko, and yet I can't help but feel a little bit of encouragement for the red-haired wonder. Omake should be silly, ne?   
  
  



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